she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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