And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
