I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
