she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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