he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
