did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
