i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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