was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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