So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
