i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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