why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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