I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
