babies were throwing up all over the place
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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