Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
im on a boat
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