it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
