My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
