he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
