how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
