So drunk its hurt
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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