youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
