we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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