i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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