She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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