she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
