giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
His nipple licking is glorious
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