i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
