You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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