What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
