did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
