I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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