Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I would ride that face into the sunset
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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