dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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