I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
