one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
