She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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