I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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