Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
