he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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