He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
