i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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