Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
