she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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