Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
