Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
