kristin has been a bad kristin
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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