Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
