I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
