My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
