oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
