Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
