1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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