So drunk its hurt
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
